Break ups can be real hard, and nobody wants to go through that stage of hell. I am not a Love Guru myself, but I am here to share about how I overcome a break up based on my experience. To be honest, I haven't been into a lot of serious relationships. So far, the most hurtful break up I have ever been through was in September 2011. It was 3 years ago, and I still can remember clearly how did it happen and how did it affect me for quite sometime. The loss of this 2 years relationship with the guy I loved like crazy at that time actually bring on intense heartache and stress for quite a couple of months, and well, maybe years.
Sometimes I wonder, why do breakups hurt so much even when the relationship is no longer good? The loss of the relationship is one thing. Not only the relationship, the shared dreams, and commitments are shattered too.
I know it is not easy to cope with a break up, because I have gone through the exact same stage of hell. But it helps If you are determined enough.
1. It's okay to have mixed feelings, and give myself a break.
Feeling sad, confused, depressed, and angry are normal. These feelings can be intense. Just accept the reaction as things will get better overtime. Give ourselves a break, by not drowning yourself in sadness. Try going out with your girlfriends, go out shopping! Or hang out with family members, spend time with them. Try out something new! Give ourselves permission to feel and to function at a less than optimal level for a period of time.
2. Don't go through this all by myself, and keep myself busy.
Share your feelings with your friends and family. Perhaps it might help you get through this period. Go out with your friends and distract yourself from the thoughts of him. Keep yourself busy. I usually find myself a distraction to prevent myself from thinking about him.
Try to avoid places that would remind you of the both of you, or him. What I usually do in the process of moving on was not to go to the places we often went together, like East Coast Park, for example, And also his house area.
3. Think through about everything thoroughly.
Consider all the reasons why we broke up.
I also figured and understand that we both enjoyed being together for 2 years, and also understand if our relationship was not what we both wanted for life. It would have ended eventually.
I think about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to me that it takes two people to start a relationship. It also helps me to consider my actions to avoid missteps in the future when I can identify areas where I contributed to the demise of our relationship.
4. Remove memory triggers.
After the break up, I was not sure if I should discard the things he had given me, because honestly they mean a lot to me. Nothing really cost a lot, but they are really valuable for me, because I know he was sincere then. So I decided to keep it, in a drawer, I locked it and stay away from that drawer.
5. Keep some space.
My ex and I decided not to even becoming friends. Yeah, It might sound super hurtful, but that's the fact. I know deep inside, he hated me for not treasuring him last time, and moreover, I did not have the chance to even apologise to him for my mistakes. So I guess, keeping a space between us by not contacting one another anymore since the break up is definitely a good decision to make to move on from the past. As much as I wanna see him badly, I reconsider this thought again and ask myself "What's the point?". Yeah, what's the point of meeting him if that is going to relieve the memories? It might be harder to let it go again.
So yeah, keeping a space from him is definitely a good choice. Even if I am tempted, I refuse to go over his place and look for him anymore. I even forbade myself from going to his Facebook profile, Twitter etc to find out how he's doing. I keep telling myself there is no point.
6. Cope with the pain. Accept the fact.
Acceptance is the key to be able to move on from it.
Feeling messed up is normal. Accepting responsibility for the mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. After the break up, I blame myself everyday. But also encourage myself to be better next time for my new relationship and try not to commit the same mistake, and be a better girlfriend. I did my best in my previous relationship. And yeah, both of us made mistakes.
I accept the fact that he is no longer mine, and start moving on.
Cope with the pain does not mean keep listening to the sad songs. Yeah, I did that for quite sometimes. Like taking a long bus ride to somewhere, I don't know where because I have no destination, and listen to the songs we both like to listen together, and drown in the sorrow. This is definitely a wrong thing to do because I kept thinking about him and it became harder to move on.
So I stopped doing so, which kind of lead myself to the wrong path because I started partying, clubbing, drinking and get high to forget about him. That kind of help for a while but not for long.
I need a permanent solution, not temporary solution.
Moving on is not easy. But I never give up in trying to move on from that chapter of life. Have faith in myself that one day, I will be able to move on from that chapter of life. :)
7. Let go of the hatred.
No point being angry at myself or him. I felt a lot of anger at myself for not treasuring him at that moment every single day and repeatedly blame myself for the break up. But I am telling you, It does not help at all. It will only make it worse.
So I tell myself, "Change yourself!! Don't just keep blaming yourself! Change and be a better person!"
I also try to hate him for the break up, and started to pick on his flaws during the time when we were still together. I was actually trying to replace my feelings of love towards him with hate, but it does not help at all. It makes me feel complicated about my feelings. So I stopped. And let it go with the flow.
8. Write all my feelings down on my blog, diary, etc.
Be absolutely honest with myself, and write it all out in a journal, diary, or blog. Share my experience and feelings on my blog or diary to ease myself up after the break up.
The best results of writing it all down is that sometimes I will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes as I am pouring it all out onto paper.
Soon, I find it much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience after writing my way through it.
Monday, January 20, 2014
Monday, July 29, 2013
When life is full of downs...
Sometimes, I actually have to accept that society is cruel, world is cruel, and life is horrible.
Not only I have to face all sorts of problems myself, I have to tolerate lies every single time. It made me feel sick, and tired of all these nonsense I've been through. Like seriously. Sometimes I just wanna scream on top of my voice to release this stress. And finally, I really decided to be single for the time being. There is also no point finding substitutes or rebounds, they're pretty much useless in my life either.
Yes, I do wanna be committed in a relationship, but from all these experiences so far, none of my partners are actually committed in our relationship. Since the day I broke up with my only serious boyfriend, I keep telling myself that I will never be too serious, too in love with somebody anymore, because love hurts, when I am also unsure whether he's the right one for me or just another passer-by in my life.
Sigh.... What have I become?
Like seriously... I never once felt sincerely happy anymore after we were separated. Well, I don't blame him too. Because It was mostly my fault that we broke up. I only blame myself. Keep telling myself If I treasure him, I'll never have to meet the wrong people in my life to put salt into my wounds.
When I finally wanna be committed in another relationship a year ago, I got hurt. Consistently, like I deserve it. Consistently hearing lies, and never the truth.
Even when I have already found out the utter truth, he just refuse to admit his mistakes, and still choose to lie to cover up his lies. I am so so so so sick of this! This urges me to just stop dating and stay single. I am sick of loving someone anymore, I'd rather love myself. So pointless to love somebody more than I love myself. I've learned my lesson the hard way.
I lost someone who was sincerely serious and committed to me because I didn't treasure him last time. And get too committed with someone who can't even speak the truth to me? I am starting to get real sick of love related things. I hate everything, everyone, including myself. I should have known there is no such thing as True love. Bullshit, seriously.
I also realize that my blogpost are mostly emo and sad. Reading my own blog makes me feel pathetic with my life. But I really think that I should put a stop to all these. Not allowing people to take me for granted, take advantage of my care, and make use of my heart and toy around with my heart. I think I should not even trust someone whom are not trustworthy!
I've learned a lot...
It can be the most wonderful thing that can ever happen to me.
It also can be the most horrible thing that can ever happen to me.
What have I done to myself because I am too blinded by love.....
The feeling of getting betrayed... I just can't describe it anymore.
Being betrayed by the one who actually claimed that he loves me. LOL, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.
And It makes me not wanting to trust anymore or getting into another relationship anymore.
And get blamed by the other party for making rash decisions?
Damn, how unreasonable can this life be?
Not only I have to face all sorts of problems myself, I have to tolerate lies every single time. It made me feel sick, and tired of all these nonsense I've been through. Like seriously. Sometimes I just wanna scream on top of my voice to release this stress. And finally, I really decided to be single for the time being. There is also no point finding substitutes or rebounds, they're pretty much useless in my life either.
Yes, I do wanna be committed in a relationship, but from all these experiences so far, none of my partners are actually committed in our relationship. Since the day I broke up with my only serious boyfriend, I keep telling myself that I will never be too serious, too in love with somebody anymore, because love hurts, when I am also unsure whether he's the right one for me or just another passer-by in my life.
Sigh.... What have I become?
Like seriously... I never once felt sincerely happy anymore after we were separated. Well, I don't blame him too. Because It was mostly my fault that we broke up. I only blame myself. Keep telling myself If I treasure him, I'll never have to meet the wrong people in my life to put salt into my wounds.
When I finally wanna be committed in another relationship a year ago, I got hurt. Consistently, like I deserve it. Consistently hearing lies, and never the truth.
Even when I have already found out the utter truth, he just refuse to admit his mistakes, and still choose to lie to cover up his lies. I am so so so so sick of this! This urges me to just stop dating and stay single. I am sick of loving someone anymore, I'd rather love myself. So pointless to love somebody more than I love myself. I've learned my lesson the hard way.
I lost someone who was sincerely serious and committed to me because I didn't treasure him last time. And get too committed with someone who can't even speak the truth to me? I am starting to get real sick of love related things. I hate everything, everyone, including myself. I should have known there is no such thing as True love. Bullshit, seriously.
I also realize that my blogpost are mostly emo and sad. Reading my own blog makes me feel pathetic with my life. But I really think that I should put a stop to all these. Not allowing people to take me for granted, take advantage of my care, and make use of my heart and toy around with my heart. I think I should not even trust someone whom are not trustworthy!
I've learned a lot...
Love is not as simple as it sounds,
It can be the most wonderful thing that can ever happen to me.
It also can be the most horrible thing that can ever happen to me.
What have I done to myself because I am too blinded by love.....
The feeling of getting betrayed... I just can't describe it anymore.
Being betrayed by the one who actually claimed that he loves me. LOL, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T.
And It makes me not wanting to trust anymore or getting into another relationship anymore.
And get blamed by the other party for making rash decisions?
Damn, how unreasonable can this life be?
Friday, July 26, 2013
Just another day
3 more weeks and I will be back to Singapore! So excited about it though! Everything I have missed are there. Mostly sweet memories, when everything is normal like how it was supposed to be before I came to Seattle....
Sometimes I still get a little emotional whenever I remembered the good old times I used to have back in Singapore. Not to mention those great times I had with those wonderful people. I don't know why but sometimes I still feel sad reminiscing those good times.
Time flies pretty fast this year. It is nearly the end of summer quarter. 8 more days of classes and we will be sitting for our finals and then fly back to Singapore!
So yesterday I've just purchased my another rave party tix for Freak Night this coming October. Woohoo!
Feeling so moody these days though,
Sometimes I do think that maybe closing my heart door will be the best decision. I kept getting hurt because I care too much, because I love too much. History repeats itself, you know. When I finally be able to love someone wholeheartedly again, I get hurt again.
And I hate it whenever I feel sad, I get reminded of those unhappy days, those sorrow I had when we were separated. Honestly, I never wanted to leave you. Never! Whenever I told you "I'm leaving you.", I never mean my words, really. Because you've changed my life completely. Although I may not be the same Vivian you used to know before, but you know deep down inside I can never forget about you. My tears drop whenever I remember those beautiful times.
Yeah I admit I am such a fool. The reason why I leave Singapore is because I know I can never get over you if I continue to stay there. I know you don't care anymore about those memories because they are just the past for you, but you know it always been hard to get over you.
What a pathetic love story I have... Hah...
Although I have been adapting well in Seattle, I somehow miss my life back home. When I have my family around me. They are the most important people in my life. I regretted not treasuring my time with them when I was with them. Sigh. I regret not treasuring him too. We were so happy back then. Sigh, It was my fault. I don't know how to treasure our time together. I've been blaming myself since. Well, I hope you're happy, Hah... As always.
So today I went to Southcenter and bought some more Pandora charms for myself. Didn't know that I will spend so much on charms, lol, but they're so pretty! Well, at least shopping makes me happy. :)
Sometimes I still get a little emotional whenever I remembered the good old times I used to have back in Singapore. Not to mention those great times I had with those wonderful people. I don't know why but sometimes I still feel sad reminiscing those good times.
Time flies pretty fast this year. It is nearly the end of summer quarter. 8 more days of classes and we will be sitting for our finals and then fly back to Singapore!
So yesterday I've just purchased my another rave party tix for Freak Night this coming October. Woohoo!
Feeling so moody these days though,
Sometimes I do think that maybe closing my heart door will be the best decision. I kept getting hurt because I care too much, because I love too much. History repeats itself, you know. When I finally be able to love someone wholeheartedly again, I get hurt again.
And I hate it whenever I feel sad, I get reminded of those unhappy days, those sorrow I had when we were separated. Honestly, I never wanted to leave you. Never! Whenever I told you "I'm leaving you.", I never mean my words, really. Because you've changed my life completely. Although I may not be the same Vivian you used to know before, but you know deep down inside I can never forget about you. My tears drop whenever I remember those beautiful times.
Yeah I admit I am such a fool. The reason why I leave Singapore is because I know I can never get over you if I continue to stay there. I know you don't care anymore about those memories because they are just the past for you, but you know it always been hard to get over you.
What a pathetic love story I have... Hah...
Although I have been adapting well in Seattle, I somehow miss my life back home. When I have my family around me. They are the most important people in my life. I regretted not treasuring my time with them when I was with them. Sigh. I regret not treasuring him too. We were so happy back then. Sigh, It was my fault. I don't know how to treasure our time together. I've been blaming myself since. Well, I hope you're happy, Hah... As always.
So today I went to Southcenter and bought some more Pandora charms for myself. Didn't know that I will spend so much on charms, lol, but they're so pretty! Well, at least shopping makes me happy. :)
Friday, July 19, 2013
Bonjour!
School is getting busier and busier for me.
For photography I have lots of projects and I've got to admit that my photography skills are just average, so it is kind of a problem for me.
Psychology is getting tougher and tougher too, I have assignments every week plus group project! For Biology, I have field trips to Forest, Mountain etc to do some exploration and write a report! Man, I thought this quarter is gonna be a slack for me, but I was wrong! :(
And also, I've dyed my hair back to dark shades, totally lovin my purplish black hair! :D
See you!!
For photography I have lots of projects and I've got to admit that my photography skills are just average, so it is kind of a problem for me.
Psychology is getting tougher and tougher too, I have assignments every week plus group project! For Biology, I have field trips to Forest, Mountain etc to do some exploration and write a report! Man, I thought this quarter is gonna be a slack for me, but I was wrong! :(
In less than a month time, I will be back in Singapore.
I'm feeling half hearted, between wanting to go back badly, and not wanting to go back at all.
Firstly, things are not the same anymore as I go back to Singapore this summer break. Secondly, I don't feel like its home for me anymore. Feeling so lost. Lastly, I began to enjoy my life in Seattle more and don't wanna leave this city just yet...
So last Tuesday, I went to 3 different places in one day! It was awesome. I went to Gas Works Park to take photos for my Photography project, then continue my trip to Kubota Garden which is at South Seattle, then Alki Beach. The views are just awesome, I love it.
Gas Works Park
Kubota Garden
Alki Beach
And also, I've dyed my hair back to dark shades, totally lovin my purplish black hair! :D
See you!!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Time flies... END OF SPRING QUARTER!
This week is the final week of my spring quarter in college.
Three months had passed in a matter of days, It passed too quickly I couldn't catch up with what is going on right now.
So many things had happened during these 3 months in Seattle.
Firstly, I was trying to adapt to the environment here, the weather here and the lifestyle here. A totally different environment compared to Singapore, which I have been so comfortable with for 3.5 years. The weather is an issue because I am not quite used to cold weather. I hate summer, honestly, but I can't stand windy places too. Sometimes I don't even know what I want, LOL.
Summer in Seattle sucks big time, because it is so sunny and the sun is scorching hot but it is also windy at the same time. So annoying, really.
Secondly, I really despise the public transportation here in Seattle. The buses and all, unlike Singapore which is so much more convenient compared to here. It made me feel desperate and it actually gives me the mindset that I will never survive a day without a car while living in the States. I need a god damn car badly but I am also too lazy to do my driving test, especially the practical test. I have no confidence in passing the behind the wheel test. All I need to do is get the license and buy a freaking car. It is not so hard but I am just too lazy and keep procrastinating....
Thirdly, I can't believe this week is actually the final week of spring quarter... Time really flies.
IT IS THE END OF SPRING QUARTER!!!!
Three months had passed in a matter of days, It passed too quickly I couldn't catch up with what is going on right now.
So many things had happened during these 3 months in Seattle.
Firstly, I was trying to adapt to the environment here, the weather here and the lifestyle here. A totally different environment compared to Singapore, which I have been so comfortable with for 3.5 years. The weather is an issue because I am not quite used to cold weather. I hate summer, honestly, but I can't stand windy places too. Sometimes I don't even know what I want, LOL.
Summer in Seattle sucks big time, because it is so sunny and the sun is scorching hot but it is also windy at the same time. So annoying, really.
Secondly, I really despise the public transportation here in Seattle. The buses and all, unlike Singapore which is so much more convenient compared to here. It made me feel desperate and it actually gives me the mindset that I will never survive a day without a car while living in the States. I need a god damn car badly but I am also too lazy to do my driving test, especially the practical test. I have no confidence in passing the behind the wheel test. All I need to do is get the license and buy a freaking car. It is not so hard but I am just too lazy and keep procrastinating....
Thirdly, I can't believe this week is actually the final week of spring quarter... Time really flies.
Monday, June 10, 2013
A video....
During our unofficial 3rd year anniversary. I've made a video for him.
All I've got to say are written/shown in this video.
Whatever feelings I feel are stated in the video too.
Song: Love in the ice by DBSK
Perhaps he has already seen it, perhaps he has not seen it at all yet.
I am still gonna post it here for you guys to watch.
I've made this video a year ago, never have the chance to show it to him personally,
all I can ever do is to post it on my blog hoping he would watch.
Hope you like it the video :)
I've made this video a year ago, never have the chance to show it to him personally,
all I can ever do is to post it on my blog hoping he would watch.
Hope you like it the video :)
All I've got to say are written/shown in this video.
Whatever feelings I feel are stated in the video too.
Song: Love in the ice by DBSK
Remembering...
It's been two months in Seattle.
I'm starting to love this city even more, I never thought I could adapt this fast in the States, but surprisingly, I love it here more than anything else. I don't even feel homesick anymore.
Even so, I still miss Singapore because Singapore is like my second home. Everything there is so memorable and precious to me. As much as I love this city, I miss Singapore too.
Thinking back about those times, today I am going to write about why did I make the decision about moving to Seattle.
About 2 years ago, during my 'N' level period, somewhere in November 2011, that was the time when I feel that life is meaningless in Singapore, I feel that I have lost everything precious. Everything I have became everything I had. I have lost him.
That was the most painful experience in my life. Everyday is a misery to me. Nothing cheers me up. Nothing ever make me smile. My life turned to be black and white. I have lost the colour of my life. A few years back then, I was too over sensitive when I have to think back about those painful days, but today I finally be able to open up on this blog to write about my feelings back then.
After I have lost him, my life has no more meaning and I have no more motivation to even continue with my life. Losing someone I love the most is the most painful experience ever. My friends had been trying to cheer me up with whatever ways. That was why, I started drinking, clubbing, doing all sorts of things possible to forget about him. Nothing ever works properly for me.
Whenever I was drunk in the club or something, I also mumbled his name. Cried for him, and hallucinated about him. LOL. This is crazy but yeah, I have gone insane for a couple of time. Seeing everyone as Him. Because that was how much I wanted him back in my life. He will never realise this because I never have the chance to tell him how meaningful his existence was.
Moving on.
Knowing that drinking and clubbing and partying and getting wasted do not help a shit, I made a freaking decision. I know that staying in Singapore will get me no where because everywhere I go I remember us, I remember him. I even cried whenever my bus passes certain places. What can I do? Nothing.
Who can I rant to? Only a few people knows the whole story.
I constantly blame myself for every single mistakes that I have committed in the past when I was with him, I felt that I am the most useless girl in the whole universe.
Feeling confused,
I decided to move to another country. Stay in a different environment, stay in a different city, somewhere new and foreign, where I can forget about him.
I wanna forget about him badly. I even try to throw those letters and everything about him away, but I can't do it. I cried on 4th every month whenever I remember that date is suppose to be our monthlysary.
I finally made a decision. A huge decision to move to Seattle.
Leaving everything behind.
So far, I enjoyed my life in Seattle a lot. Although I am already planning to move to California next year.
Beside the suckish public transportation here, everything is good here. I just need to buy myself a god damn car as soon as possible. LOL.
I feel much stronger now.
2 years without you, I felt empty, but also...
I wanna thank you for the memorable lessons.
Period.
Even so, I still miss Singapore because Singapore is like my second home. Everything there is so memorable and precious to me. As much as I love this city, I miss Singapore too.
Thinking back about those times, today I am going to write about why did I make the decision about moving to Seattle.
About 2 years ago, during my 'N' level period, somewhere in November 2011, that was the time when I feel that life is meaningless in Singapore, I feel that I have lost everything precious. Everything I have became everything I had. I have lost him.
That was the most painful experience in my life. Everyday is a misery to me. Nothing cheers me up. Nothing ever make me smile. My life turned to be black and white. I have lost the colour of my life. A few years back then, I was too over sensitive when I have to think back about those painful days, but today I finally be able to open up on this blog to write about my feelings back then.
After I have lost him, my life has no more meaning and I have no more motivation to even continue with my life. Losing someone I love the most is the most painful experience ever. My friends had been trying to cheer me up with whatever ways. That was why, I started drinking, clubbing, doing all sorts of things possible to forget about him. Nothing ever works properly for me.
Whenever I was drunk in the club or something, I also mumbled his name. Cried for him, and hallucinated about him. LOL. This is crazy but yeah, I have gone insane for a couple of time. Seeing everyone as Him. Because that was how much I wanted him back in my life. He will never realise this because I never have the chance to tell him how meaningful his existence was.
Moving on.
Knowing that drinking and clubbing and partying and getting wasted do not help a shit, I made a freaking decision. I know that staying in Singapore will get me no where because everywhere I go I remember us, I remember him. I even cried whenever my bus passes certain places. What can I do? Nothing.
Who can I rant to? Only a few people knows the whole story.
I constantly blame myself for every single mistakes that I have committed in the past when I was with him, I felt that I am the most useless girl in the whole universe.
Feeling confused,
I decided to move to another country. Stay in a different environment, stay in a different city, somewhere new and foreign, where I can forget about him.
I wanna forget about him badly. I even try to throw those letters and everything about him away, but I can't do it. I cried on 4th every month whenever I remember that date is suppose to be our monthlysary.
I finally made a decision. A huge decision to move to Seattle.
Leaving everything behind.
So far, I enjoyed my life in Seattle a lot. Although I am already planning to move to California next year.
Beside the suckish public transportation here, everything is good here. I just need to buy myself a god damn car as soon as possible. LOL.
I feel much stronger now.
2 years without you, I felt empty, but also...
I wanna thank you for the memorable lessons.
Period.
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